I have decided, well I think I have, to open a very small, in-home childcare over the summer. I have one little girl from church that is probably coming and I hope to get 2 more full-timers.
People know we homeschool and that we have homeschooled for around nine years. They ask how will I be able to homeschool and run a childcare if I continue on with daycare children in the fall. Good question. I ask myself that same thing everyday. All I can say is I don't really know. I have a plan formulating in my head but its really up to the Lord to provide me the strength to do both. If this idea is in His will for my life at all, then I have to trust He will give me the wisdom to carry it out. And if its not in His will, or this is not good for our lives, then I pray He'll never let it come to pass. And if its NOT in His will, then I have to accept the fact that He has a different plan and trust Him. That in itself would be a challenge for me, as I so often identify myself with the man in Mark 9:24 who was lacking in faith and belief as he cried out, "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." No sooner do I cry out "I believe!" then I am begging for His help to get me over my lack of faith. It is not a true test of our faith when things are going easy; our faith can only be truly tested in times of trial, because it is then our inner heart is made known.
So when the bills come in and the savings is all gone, Lord, help my unbelief. When sickness rears its ugly head and the future is uncertain, Lord help my unbelief. When the road forks and both paths seem right, Lord help my unbelief.
There's just not a lot I know right now. Our futures, for so many of us, are quite uncertain. I, the almost anal control freak, has lost control. I feel sometimes like I am driving behind the wheel with my eyes closed, hoping I don't go over the edge of the mountain. Why do I fear? God is my guard-rail, always present to help me. But maybe its time I climb out of the driver's seat. Maybe its time I give up the wheel.
I remember how He called me into this ministry called "wife" and "mother" and "teacher"....that call, I feel, is just as strong today as it was nine years ago. I haven't felt it leave me, so therefore, He has it in control. The money will come; although the "how" of it I don't know for certain. The wife in me sees my husband's efforts at caring for his family and he has given 150% for months. No, make that years. He is tired. The wife in me sorrows for him when he needs a rest and tries to jump in and fix it all. The wife in me begins to think on how I can help, and thus, the childcare idea is born. It may or may not be the "how" of getting our finances back to a comfortable level. Or perhaps we're not meant to be comfortable right now. Perhaps there is a lesson we are to learn first.
The Proverbs 31 "superwoman" as I like to call her, was certainly industrious. She was not only a wonderful keeper at home but a business woman, a crafter, a worker. I like to say if she could do it, then through God I can, too.
In my life, the thorn in my side is money. Others have job losses, loss of homes, loss of family members, cancers and illnesses. Whatever the future holds, we must all pray God's perfect will in our lives. Only then can we know in our hearts that whatever comes, it will work for His purpose and His glory.