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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

What day is this?

It's 5:30 AM and I am (almost) wide awake. Strange for me to be up so early by choice. But considering I just slept for the past day I guess I should be awake. I had one of my longest migraines EVER yesterday. It actually began Monday morning when I awoke, but went away. Then it came back before bed Monday night, but again, responded to some OTC meds and went away (that's what I thought anyway). But yesterday (Tuesday morning) I began dreaming that I was talking to a neighbor who told me I didn't look so good...I asked her, in my dream, to go to the pharmacy and get my Maxalt as my head was pounding. Like so many times lately, I awoke to a really bad, full-blown, head-splitting migraine. I only had one Maxalt left yesterday and was so dizzy I knew I wouldn't make it to the pharmacy without running into a ditch, so I stayed home and tried to fight it off with various ideas...tried to rest, took some Melatonin, didn't use my eyes any more than I had to, assigned the kids all independent work and LOTS of outdoor free play, you name it. But this one stuck around until into the night last night, making it my longest one that I can ever remember. What's more, the dizziness with this one was the worst I'd ever had. Moving from the bed to the couch and waves of blackness would wash over me. I haven't felt like fainting since my last food poisoning. LOL Thank the Lord above for my oldest son who took the reins and watched the younger kids for me all day, pouring milks and fixing salads for lunch.

I had been doing so much better this month. This was actually my first bad case. I had just been bragging on my combination therapy of YAZ, Melatonin, and reading glasses when my body decided to show me that it was still in control of my life. I began to see a few blemishes over the weekend and wondered why that was happening as usually my YAZ bocks them. Then the tell-tale headache from the pit of Satan knocked down the door. I know these kinds of headaches...they are called Menstrual Migraines and they are probably the worst migraines ever. Unlike a regular migraine, these kind don't respond well to ANYTHING and they tend to linger for days. Which means, to those of you who do not suffer from them, you will be out of commission until its over. No driving, no reading, no work, no TV, no family life, no life of any kind, because this thing now has your life in its control. I sound bitter I know, but I have had migraines since my childhood and I do not look forward to having them the rest of my life. I am tired of them stealing my family time, my work time, my health. I am tired of canceling plans. I am tired of spending my good days waiting apprehensively for the next one.

I guess its time to reevaluate whether the YAZ is really helping or not. At first it seemed to be. Now the migraines have gotten used to it I think, and rather than the YAZ being their mortal enemy, they shake hands with it and say, "Good day." Problem with going off the YAZ and saving that money is I've tried to more than once, and my head feels 5 times worse than yesterday to the point I literally feel like my brain is about to split in half. At least the headaches are dulled a bit by the YAZ.

So here I am, finally awake. I missed saying goodnight to DH, who has already left for work. He took my car because his was acting up (again), and I just discovered we are out of milk. Its a good thing we live close to a little market that takes debit cards, as I suppose we'll be hiking there in a few hours to shop. This sharing of the daytime shift (and the family vehicle) is going to take some getting used to.

I pray I feel better today so I can get on with life. I can sympathise with those who live with any sort of incurable medical condition. In my case these migraines somewhat rule my life. I always wonder when the next one will hit, and it will, and how bad it will be. I think to myself about how little by little, all the meds have stopped working as well as they used to, and I wonder will they all stop working completely for me one day? I remember my grandmother, who suffered from them until a few weeks before she died at age 88, holding her head in her hands when she thought no one was looking during family visits...will that be me someday? I really hope not. I remember my sister being part of a headache study group at Vanderbuilt hospital, hers were so bad. I know that not only my sister but my mother, mother-in-law, oldest child, 4 year old, and husband all have frequent headaches, and am reminded that they are all around me.

A friend suggested I try adding magnesium supplements to my diet. When DH gets home with my car tonight, I guess I'll be visiting Walgreens. I am curious as to how others out there are dealing with these monsters.


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